Yes, But…”: The Quiet Phrase That’s Keeping Brilliant Women Stuck

We all have a voice in our heads.
Not the wild one that wants a croissant at 9pm — the other one. The “responsible” one. The one that chimes in, right when we’re about to make a bold move, and says:

“Yes, but…”

Two words. Softly spoken, but utterly paralysing.

Yes, I’d love to apply for that leadership role, but I haven’t been visible enough lately.
Yes, I’d love to go freelance, but what if the work dries up?
Yes, I desperately need a break,  but it’s not the right time.

At face value, these sound like thoughtful considerations. But when you scratch the surface, they’re often just fear in disguise. Limiting beliefs dressed up as practicality.

And women, particularly working mothers, have become experts in this disguise.

A Culture of Self-Silencing

Let’s not pretend this happens in a vacuum. Society practically hands us the script. Be competent, but not assertive. Be ambitious, but not at the expense of your family. Take care of yourself, but don’t be seen doing it.

It’s no surprise so many of us live in a permanent state of internal negotiation. Every instinct to grow or stretch or rest is met with a counter-offer from the “Yes, but…” committee in our heads.

This isn’t just imposter syndrome. It’s inherited caution. Passed down through generations of women who were taught to shrink a little, to be likeable, to never take up more than their fair share of space.

And the irony? The world keeps telling women to speak up, lean in, be brave, but still rewards them for being palatable.

The Invisible Cage

For working mothers, the tension becomes even more acute. We’re expected to mother like we don’t have careers, and work like we don’t have children. It’s a performance of perfection that no one can sustain.

So instead, we defer.

We tell ourselves:
Yes, but I’ll go for that promotion when the kids are older.
Yes, but I’ll launch the business once things calm down at home.
Yes, but I’ll rest when I’ve earned it.

Spoiler: the right time never arrives. Because “Yes, but…” isn’t about logic. It’s a defence mechanism. A way of protecting ourselves from disappointment, judgment, or the terrifying risk of wanting something more.

So What’s the Alternative?

I’m not suggesting we throw caution to the wind and resign en masse tomorrow morning (though, imagine the headlines).

But I am saying this: we need to notice how often we’re building our lives around limitations that might not even be real.

What if, instead of shutting ideas down with “Yes, but…”, we started responding with “Yes, and…”?

Yes, I have a lot on, and I’m allowed to explore new paths.
Yes, I’m nervous, and I can be nervous and capable at the same time.
Yes, it’s a risk, and most things worth doing are.

It’s a small linguistic shift. But it signals a seismic change in mindset. From shrinking to stretching. From fear to possibility.

Reclaiming Our Agency

The truth is, most women aren’t stuck because they lack skills, intelligence, or ambition. They’re stuck because of the beliefs they’ve been conditioned to hold about what’s allowed.

And when you start to unpick those beliefs, when you notice how many of them begin with “Yes, but…”, you also start to reclaim your agency.

It doesn’t mean life becomes easy. But it becomes yours. Authentically, imperfectly, gloriously yours.

So next time that voice pipes up with “Yes, but…”, I invite you to pause. Ask yourself: is this a real obstacle? Or just a comfortable excuse?

You might just find the door to the life you actually want, wide open, waiting for you to walk through it.