The Truth About ‘Difficult’ Women: We’re Just Setting Standards

I got called a ‘b*tch’ once. I was distraught. I told one of my friends about the incident and she told me to take it as a compliment. Now that threw me for a loop! What was she on about?

You’ve heard it before.

“She’s so difficult.”

“She’s got an attitude.”

“She’s just too much.”

Let’s translate that, shall we?

“She doesn’t tolerate nonsense.”

“She refuses to be walked over.”

“She knows her worth.”

Marilyn Monroe hit the nail on the head when she said: “Strong women don’t have ‘attitudes’, we have standards.”

And isn’t it funny how the same qualities that make a man ‘assertive’ suddenly make a woman ‘bossy’? The same decisiveness that earns men promotions somehow gets women labelled as ‘difficult’.

Enough of that. Let’s set the record straight.

What’s the Difference Between an Attitude and a Standard?

An attitude is about how you behave. A standard is about what you allow.

Attitude says: “I’ll be aggressive and demand respect.”
Standard says: “I respect myself too much to tolerate disrespect.”

Attitude says: “I’ll prove my worth at every turn.”
Standard says: “I know my worth, and I don’t need to justify it.”

Attitude says: “I’ll bulldoze my way into the room.”
Standard says: “I’ll walk in knowing I belong there.”

See the difference?

The Problem with ‘Difficult Women’

Society has a long history of policing women’s behaviour. We’re expected to be nice, accommodating, easygoing. The moment we draw a boundary? “She’s got an attitude.”

But let’s be honest—who benefits from women staying small? Who gains when we second-guess ourselves?

Certainly not us.

The reality is, strong women make waves. We disrupt. We challenge. And yes, we make some people uncomfortable. But that’s the price of setting standards.

How Standards Show Up in Everyday Life

• In the Workplace: You advocate for fair pay, reasonable working hours, and a culture of respect. That’s not an attitude—it’s a standard.

• In Relationships: You refuse to settle for bare minimum effort. Love should feel like partnership, not a project. That’s not an attitude—it’s a standard.

• In Friendships: You expect mutual support, not one-sided energy-draining dynamics. That’s not an attitude—it’s a standard.

• In Self-Respect: You take care of yourself unapologetically. You say no when you mean it. You don’t shrink to fit. That’s not an attitude—it’s a standard.

The Power of Owning Your Standards

Owning your standards isn’t easy.

People will push back. They’ll try to guilt-trip you, call you ‘difficult’, suggest you’re ‘too much.’

Let them.

Because the truth is, you teach people how to treat you.

When you accept less than you deserve, you send the message that it’s okay. But when you stand firm, you set the tone for how others should engage with you.

Final Thought: Keep Raising the Bar

If someone calls you ‘difficult’, take it as a compliment. It means you refuse to be easy to manipulate. If they say you have an ‘attitude’, smile. It means you’re not here to be a doormat.

Marilyn was right.

Strong women don’t have attitudes—we have standards.

And we’re not lowering them anytime soon.