The Price of Love: Why Giving Up Your Career Could Cost You More Than You Think

I was chatting to a woman recently whose story stopped me in my tracks. She’d given up her career to become a full-time mum. Nothing unusual there, loads of women do it, often out of love, guilt, or simply because childcare in the UK costs a small fortune and no one wants to work just to hand it all over to the nursery.

But then her marriage broke down.

She found herself financially stuck. Not just strapped, but absolutely blindsided. When they met, she and her husband were earning about the same. Fast forward twenty years: he’s a senior leader, earning four times what they used to earn, sitting pretty on a fat pension pot. Meanwhile, she’s got next to nothing apart from what the state gives you, and let’s be honest, that’s not going to stretch far with the price of utility bills these days.

Here’s the kicker: under UK divorce law, yes, you get to split the assets. But you don’t automatically get a cut of someone’s future earning potential, even if you supported them while they built that career. Even if you stayed home to look after the kids so they could jet off to conferences and climb the corporate ladder. Even if you were the emotional scaffolding that kept the whole house standing.

You helped build the empire. But once the divorce papers are signed, you’re not getting a seat on the board

People may not realise that you have to prove that spousal maintenance is a fair outcome and this is costly, stressful and extremely exhausting while you are also trying to be a good parent. Add to this – judges now want to encourage ‘financial independence’ for the poorer party  which can mean having to re-enter the workplace at age 50, on the menopause and competing for jobs against people who haven’t taken a 20 year break..

Let’s call it what it is: a financial blind spot that far too many women fall into. Out of love. Out of duty. Out of the belief that it’s temporary and they’ll “go back to work when the kids are older.” But here’s the thing: the longer you’re out, the harder it is to get back in. Skills go stale. Confidence shrinks. The job market moves on without you. Then, there is the small matter of ageism!

And then, if the worst happens and the relationship doesn’t last, you’re not just heartbroken. you’re broke.

Now, this isn’t an anti-love rant. I’m not saying don’t trust your partner or don’t stay home if that’s truly what you want. But we have to start talking about the financial risks involved. Because let’s be honest, love doesn’t pay the gas bill.

So, here’s my plea to women: keep a hand in the workforce. Even if it’s part-time. Even if it’s freelance. Even if you’re just doing enough to keep your foot in the door and your LinkedIn looking semi-alive.

Because when you maintain your skills, you maintain your power. Your ability to earn is like a muscle, use it or lose it. And if you never need it, brilliant! But if you do need it, you’ll be so glad you didn’t let it disappear with the nappies and nursery runs.

And while we’re at it, let’s stop romanticising self-sacrifice. Staying at home to raise the kids is bloody hard work, but it’s not “free.” You are investing your time, energy, and career capital into that family. That has value. And it should be protected like any other asset. I keep banging on about the system not built for us. Here is a huge loophole that is making stay at home mums end up struggling financially or in pension poverty after divorce.

So to all the women reading this: look at your career not as something you’ll “get back to one day,” but as something that deserves a place at the table now, even if it’s only one day a week.

Love is lovely. But a direct debit doesn’t care how much you sacrificed.