The Myth of Fulfilment: Why Motherhood Isn’t the Cure for Career Misery & Why J. D. Vance Misses the Point!
A podcast recording of J D Vance, Donald Trump’s running mate has recently resurfaced where he says women who prioritise their careers are condemned to a a life of misery:
‘‘You have women who think that truly the liberationist path is to spend 90 hours a week working in a cubicle at McKinsey instead of starting a family and having children.’’…..“What they don’t realise – and I think some of them do eventually realise that, thank God – is that that is actually a path to misery’’
Hmmn, I never thought I would ever agree with anyone in the inner circle of Trump but Vance has got a point in saying that 90 hours a week in a corporate cubicle leads to misery. BUT, women don’t have a monopoly on this misery creating lifestyle choice. This misery applies to both men and women. Vance also misses the point that the solution to that misery is not for women to go off and have children as that creates a whole raft of issues if that is not what the woman wants to do.
There are so many places I could go to with this quote from Vance that I am struggling to limit myself but I will focus on just three of these issues:
- Men don’t ever have to face the choice of giving up their career and going off to have babies
- Not every woman can or wants to be a biological mother so to propose motherhood as the solution to a wellbeing issue is just missing the mark completely
- This is a wellbeing issue that applies to both sexes.
Fatherhood Vs Career
No one ever asks a man if he can have it all. This question is just reserved for women. I know biologically we are the ones that carry the babies but when they come out, apart from breastfeeding there is practically nothing that the woman can do that the man can’t. Even the breast milk can be expressed for the man to feed the baby.
So why does society and potential Vice Presidents still insist that women give up their careers to come and sit at home the moment there is a baby in the equation? Why bother allowing these women in the workplace if we are never going to allow them to fully contribute? Why is it assumed that a working mother is somehow wrong and has to pay the price with unhappiness and burnout? Why is a successful woman without children seen as somewhat sad and unfulfilled? This brings me to my second point.
Motherhood is not for every woman
Not every woman wants children. Just like how no one is judging men for not having children, why is it that when it comes to women, somehow they are seen as damaged for not having children? No matter what a woman achieves, if it is not crowned with having children, somehow their achievements are minimised in some way. However, the achievements of men, with or without children are just valid.
Then there is the small matter of, not every woman can have children. Yes, having kids is a great way to contribute to society but so is contributing with your talents in the workplace. So long as you don’t work yourself to the bone and ignore your personal relationships while you pursue your career, which brings me to my last point.
Wellbeing
Working 90 hours a week in a cubicle is not good for anyone, male or female. When you do that, it means you are not really living. Your mental health suffers, your personal relationships are compromised and indeed your physical health also suffers. This is the eventual misery that Vance was referring to but this is applicable to everyone.
For anyone, both men and women, to avoid the eventual misery of building a shrine to one’s career and ignoring the other determinants of a good life, we need workplaces where one does not have to work 90 hour weeks. We need workplaces where women are supported to go off and have children if they want, but be integrated back into the workforce when they choose to come back. We need a workplace where no one is judged for not going off and having children when their biological clock is ticking or indeed refuses to tick.
When we talk about gender equity in the workplace, it means understanding the biological advantage that accrues to a man. Men don’t have to suffer any disruptions in their career due to childbirth. So we have to put measures in place to support the women who have to suffer these disruptions so they don’t have to make the stark choice of career or kids.
If senior politicians think the only way for a woman to be happy is to go off and have kids, we are in serious trouble.
P.S.
If you want to have a chat about balancing your career and motherhood, let’s chat here.