Sign above the bin

Sign

Sign above bin

This is the canvas in my kitchen above the bin of all places. It caught my eye as I was sitting down to write this post so I thought it must be fortuitous. Not too sure what ‘fortuitous’ means but it intuitively sounds right so I am going to with it.

So why are the words on the canvas chiming? I am going through a lot of change on all levels but the biggest one is work. I am on the verge of losing my biggest contract and I have known this for at least two months but, the miracle is that I have held it together. I went into hunting mode straight away as action has always been my way of dealing with fear and stress. I kept myself so busy that I forgot to worry, which is huge for me because I am such worry wart. No one wants to go into the new year staring at loss of income and I could have dwelt on that and done my head in as normally do but, I have got a new project on the go; that of trying to focus on all ten parts of my life rather than giving a disproportionate amount of time to work. For me it is all about balance for now.

The chutney in the last post is part of this plan by the way. I will go into the ten parts another time but back to the sign. Before I was told about the loss of the contract, I remember thinking the day before that, if I had the balls I would walk away from this contract because it only fulfils the money part of my life and I have got 10 other parts to fill!!!! But I didn’t have the balls so my hand was forced. Rather than moping about, I decided to treat it like it was my choice and behave as such, and focus on my other business opportunities which I had been letting slide. So between going into search mode for another contract, focusing on my other business and trying to live all ten parts of my life, I just didn’t get a chance to activate my worry wart tendencies. People did infer from my demeanour I had something else in the bag to replace lost contract. The truth is I didn’t! I somehow found myself saying to people who questioned, that there was more to life and for the first time in my 46 years, I knew exactly what that meant. So the loss of the contract plus the sign on my bin gave me nowhere to go but to know that I had my sign to go for it.

They do say you find what you are looking for (whoever they are) when you are not looking, and ‘not looking’ for me meant not worrying but living (More about leaving in another blog maybe but before my ten part project, I had forgotten how to live and was operating in existence mode, and my body had myriads of ways of telling me to wise up).

My computer started acting up two weeks ago (stay with me, this is going somewhere, I promise) and I thought ‘I am leaving this contract anyway, I haven’t got time to go and fix this computer because I have to hand it back in at the end of month so what is the point!’ Anyway one day I found myself driven to distraction after spending two half days on the phone speaking to helpdesk operatives and just chasing my tail about fixing the computer so I succumbed to handing it in for a rebuild, two weeks before rolling off a contract. That meant I was forced to walk around the office one day with the no computer and just chat to people. (Yeah that old fashion art of connecting with people!) The last thing I expected was that out of those random chats someone will offer me another contract!!!!!!! I sometimes feel that if I haven’t worried enough about something, it won’t get fixed, so this feels wrong sans worry and needless to say I keep looking over my shoulder. I probably won’t allow myself to believe I got a new contract without worry until I start it in the new year.

The good thing which would previously have been a bad thing is that this contract is quite short (hence the bad thing) but, it will be finishing at the time that I will be at my busiest with my other business so I would have had to take time off anyway, what perfect timing! And then I hear you say what will I do after that? Well I don’t know but I will not worry because all this following the sign activities I have been engaging in, who knows what that will lead to in the new year.

I have to go now as I am planning a soiree (yes, a soiree, there is an accent on the first ‘e’ but I can’t work it out on my keyboard, no piss up round mine, we posh it up in style with French words we can hardly spell but that small detail is certainly not getting in the way of living life) in a week’s time and again this is part of my plan of following the 10 parts of my life. So I am planning the menu and have already started working on speeches in my head. You never know Blog, you might even get a mention.

By the way, by the time you get to read to this blog, all these things will be well behind me as I haven’t told anyone I am blogging and I havent given the link to anyone so no one knows what I am up to. What larks:):):) I wonder if anyone will ever stumble on this by serendipity.

This sign is above the bin. It was the only part of the wall that would take the type of crappy picture hooks I had. Now hanging on the bin has assumed a symbolic philosophical note. You don’t normally go looking for a sign when everything is fine and dandy. You only look when you are in turmoil and confusion and there is a lot of rubbish floating around in a chaotic manner. Bin anyone? I now feel like a cross between Mystic Meg and Socrates so here goes: Above every a pile of rubbish is a sign!

Isn’t it simply amazing when things come together?