Boundaries: Why Protecting Your Time Makes You a Better Friend, Parent, and Colleague
“Are you there?” That’s the code phrase I use with my best friend on WhatsApp to see if it’s a good time to call. She’s a super busy, single mother juggling full-time work, an ageing mother, and two dogs.
When Boundaries Are Ignored
Yesterday, I deployed the code phrase, got a “yes,” and rang her. Halfway through our chat, she admitted she’d been about to nap before picking up her daughter. I joked, “Boundaries!” She wasn’t impressed, telling me off because she took the call since it was me. Instead of feeling grateful, I felt guilty for interrupting her rest and couldn’t wait to hang up.
Why Allowing Boundary Violations Hurts Everyone
Have you ever let people cross your boundaries just because you wanted to be “nice”? This mindset often leads to a lose-lose situation. Once a boundary is crossed, resentment often creeps in, impacting everyone involved.
My friend’s 20-minute nap got cut to 10, leaving her unable to properly rest. Exhausted, she might snap at her daughter, creating ripples that affect her daughter’s self-esteem—all because I didn’t respect her need for rest.
Two Reasons Boundaries Matter
- Boundaries Allow You to Be Your Best Self
- Boundaries Help You Serve Others Better
Mothers, in particular, struggle with boundaries. Many think being available 24/7 makes them a good parent, but overextending often leads to burnout, sickness, and even guilt for not showing up at their best. Children deserve the best version of you, not a frazzled, overworked one.
Porous Boundaries at Work: A Double-Edged Sword
Taking porous boundaries into the workplace can be even more damaging. While family might overlook lapses, the workplace is far less forgiving. When you constantly say “yes” and take on too much, your output drops, affecting your performance evaluations.
Proactively Enforce Your Boundaries
Enforce boundaries before they become reasons for underperformance. If colleagues or bosses push your limits, communicate early: ask them to reprioritise, or let them know you have prior commitments. Setting boundaries upfront is far better than disappointing later.
How to Identify Your Boundaries
Many people struggle to identify their boundaries. Here are some questions to guide you:
- Does this make you feel uncomfortable in any way?
- Is it a “hell YES”?
- Do you feel like you’re making a sacrifice?
- Does it make you feel resentful or drained?
- Are you ignoring your needs or values to make it happen?
- Are you doing this out of obligation rather than genuine desire?
What is a Boundary?
A boundary is a personal limit that protects your energy, values, and wellbeing. It’s a guide for others on how to treat you and a way to stay true to yourself. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, or time-based, depending on what makes you feel safe and fulfilled.
The Bottom Line: Set Boundaries to Protect Your Wellbeing
Now that you know what boundaries are, use them to guide others in how to relate to you. Don’t let anyone interrupt your precious 20-minute nap! Taking care of yourself isn’t just for you; it’s for everyone who needs the best version of you
